I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
