And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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