i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So apparently I’m into choking now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
