you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drunk is not a location!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
