I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
