there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sarcasm needs its own font
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
