i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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