He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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