lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
