Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
