Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
