I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
