WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
