now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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