We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's always time for handjobs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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