Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
