I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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