I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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