...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
