So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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