I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Everclear isn't food dammit
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
