Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
