We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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