I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
