Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize