why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
