strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
