my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
