he wants to bone in the snuggie
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
