why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
