Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
