We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
