he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
