I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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