Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
