omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just took my morning after pill in the library
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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