i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
