I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
