I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
