The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
