I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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