he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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