I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
