she takes plan B like it's going out of style
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
