And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
