Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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