My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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