I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
