I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
