And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
