I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
