Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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