i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
