sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
