OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
