Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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