brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
