Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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