Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i've created a new STD.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize