I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
