I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
