And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
