Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
