At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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