3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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