alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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