I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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