I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
