no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize