508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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