Pappa wants mamma naked
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
