i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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