The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
