if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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