Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
