Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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