You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
