Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
