just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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