Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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