Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize