I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
