My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
