He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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