I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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