I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
