I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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