trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize