Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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