she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just pee around me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
