my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize