dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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