Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
