I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
