You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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