i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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