who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
