I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
