how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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