I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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