happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
