so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When are your genitals available?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
