Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
be right there i have to get my cape
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize