maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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