So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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