I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
