im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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