JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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