wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
